Richard Michael Applegate.

Sheldon's busted kneecaps agree he should keep his hands off my toys.

I've forgotten what it's like to sleep outside.

Peaceful...

Hey you.

I've been waiting for a joke as good as this. Guess what the doctor asked me.

Hmm, Maggie and Harmony are fighting again? That's nothing to do with me so they should kiss and make up - but they won't. Maggie's happy to blame me because she knows I'm an easy target. I'm getting tired of this. There's a reason wives outlast their husbands. Whenever people put me in the middle of things, I'm happy to finish what they've started.

I am tired of Maggie's aggressive behaviour, though. An uppity woman, isn't she? I can't say it's a surprise she's walking around with an eye like that.

But welcome to the Victorian Company! I was wondering when those murderers would crawl out the woodwork. It's a pity. If... they'd only gotten here sooner those people would be alive. Alive...The Captain seems like a strong man, but there's a reason we hate those company people. By enforcing this monopoly they've killed democracy. What our forefathers fought for. We didn't win the war to pay taxes to another regime.

Their posters make good paper though.

Well, that's enough writing for now. It's time to get to work.

They are a TRIO OF SUCKERS.

It's nice to see the pussies in this town are stupid. It's just as fun to see our sheriff has returned. Maybe she can give Maggie advice on how to keep her legs shut.

April Fools'.

... My favourite time.

Hmph. I won't say that man lacks balls. My jaw hurts something awful. Needless to say if this is the state of the world, then I'm happy to live my life exactly this way.

That reminds me. It's Mother's Day in May.

I need to acquire some more slugs for Theresa.

Heh. That was my kind of work.

Still, it's a shame more rooves were destroyed: I've only just fixed one.

[Private to Self] I didn't expect it to go so well. Everyone certainly seems to be having a rough time of things. They don't even realize how sad they look... running around like rats. The initial plan was to turn them against the Victorian Company, but it looks like I'll have to kill a few more, too. Setting an example wouldn't be too severe, I think. This is certainly fun.

Heh, I heard the lake east of here's good for fishing.

Can anyone tell me where I'd buy a line and bait?

I heard some men say they're not sure I'm on their side. One told another they shouldn't speak bad of me, that they don't know what I'm capable of.

Heh, I suppose I'm unqualified to play with lives because... well, I guess it's good at why I'm doing my mate's dirty work. That and I spanked a whore so hard she had bruises.

Hey, you. I've got a question.

Some priest told me a mummy and daddy pray to Jesus. Jesus then sends their baby down from heaven and into the mummy’s tummy. So I asked how it gets out: he said "by magic." Except that isn't true, is it?

Feh, I don't want to make babies. They come into your house and wreck everything.

Christ, this place needs a festival's spirit! It's Christmas, and everyone's walking round like it's Lent. What's a guy to do to get some fun around here, anyway?

Apparantly doing wrong condemns you to the uhhh.... what was it the priest said... Bah! Who cares? Life's for living and I ain't got time to listen to the Jesus Army.

[Private to Iscariot]

I kidnapped the bitch. Why can't someone else stay with her?

Over at last.

I didn't imagine I could keep it in this long... But still, I think the time has finally come.

Now, where shall I begin my fun?